Haunted by the past
by Bella-Padfoot-Black
Summary: Staring at the full moon severus remembers the past and how he used to do that with lily. I do not own Sev or lily. But I do own the plot. Please check out my friend Trianna Riddle's story Second time around as it puts this fic into perspective.
1. Prologue

Severus stared up at the full moon with tears in his eyes. It was the summer's first full moon. And it broke his heart to be alone with the moon, knowing that lily wasn't there to watch it with him. He remembered climbing the trellis to her window during the full moon so he could get away from his father and the horrible screams of his mother in pain. Lily…oh god lily why did she have to be gone? Leaving him all alone…so alone and so….afraid. The pain took over his heart and made him want to cry out…but he knew he'd wake worm tail and alert him of something being wrong. He quickly placed Muffliato on the room incase it happened again.

Oh how he wished he could kill that son of a bitch, but no. He had to make sure the dark lord thought he was a faithful servant. That included keeping worm tail as his personal servant. This was mostly working out because he got to beat the worthless lump to a pulp everyday. It was on a night like this that lily had told him she loved him. Her hair had sparkled brilliantly red in the shiny moonlight. Her eyes green as emeralds and lips as pink as the clouds at sunset.

Lillian Marie Evans P- He refused to think of her as Potter's wife. It just wasn't lily…that wasn't his lily. Potter's wife had been someone lonely and unhappy with the way her life had turned out. James should've cherished her and Harry while he'd had the chance, but now Lily was…dead and Harry was now an orphan. He'd been an orphan for the last fourteen years…Lily would be so disappointed in Sev for not taking over the responsibilities of being Harry's father. He loved Harry though, no matter what Harry thought.

The Moon glinted wickedly in the sky and taunted him. His heart wrenched again this time he made a noise of anguish from deep in his chest. He was glad for his charm. Severus sank to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest as he had done so many times when he was a teenager. He was Thirty five now. It was still hard to believe, because it felt like just yesterday he'd been twelve and going to Hogwarts with Lily on his arm.

He remembered perching on the top of the trellis and leaning his face against her window to see if she was awake. If she was awake, she would let him in and give him a hug or in later years a kiss. When he was upset she would just let him hold her or she would hold him. If she was asleep he would just lean up against her window and watch her sleep, but if he was upset he would knock on her window and wake her up, or sing a song to wake her.

He could still remember her touch, her scent, her taste. Everything about his beloved swimming around in his mind. It hurt him, and yet as he looked at the moon again. He could almost swear she was there with him. Looking at him, smiling at him, crying for him and their son. Above all things he wanted to make her proud, but these days that was hard to accomplish.


	2. Chapter 1

First year Moon cycle:

Severus wiped the silvery tears that were streaming from his eyes and dripping off the end if his long nose. His black hair looked shiny in the light of the full moon. Maybe that's why his father was acting worse. Stars were illuminated in the sky, bright, beautiful angels of the night. But even with the stars watching his journey he didn't feel safe. He felt like his father would pop out at any second, and then he'd be in trouble. Sneaking quietly down the street he finally came upon a nice little house that was comfortable enough for four.

The House had pale brick and a sturdy looking roof with a chimney and two stories. A few rosebushes were nestled near the doorway. He figured that lily and her mother had planted them together. Maybe even lily and her sister. He knew by now that if he needed to reach her at night, he was to go around to the tree by her window and climb. All he had to do was knock until she answered.

Severus started to climb the tree, managing to keep his tears at bay for now. He snagged his leg on a branch, but hardly noticed it as he got to her window. She was lying there in her bed, looking like a peaceful, redheaded angel. Amidst the pain and tears he managed a small smile at the beautiful twelve year old creature in front of him. A living breathing Angel…was his best friend.

Sev tapped on the window trying to wake her. She wouldn't wake up just yet. He tapped a little more, whispering "Lily!" over and over again. Finally her green eyes popped open and she looked around a bit startled. Her eyes shifted to the window where a pale sallow boy was sitting on a tree branch. Lily let a quizzical look take over her features, and then knew as she approached the window what was wrong.

Silvery tears streamed down his pale face and a bruise had bloomed on his left cheek. Lily made her way over to the window graceful and slow. Opening it up, she held out a soft pale hand to her trembling friend. She didn't say a word, as he took her hand and climbed inside. He didn't look at her right away but instead sank to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. Lily kneeled next to him and held open her arms to him and waited for him to take her silent invitation.

He did take this invitation to be held. She pulled him close and hugged him tightly to her, she knew he needed her. He didn't even bother to explain himself, she already knew…everything. She was the only one besides his mother. The only other he could trust. Not even the howl of a dog broke the glasslike expanse of silence that engulfed them. Finally he looked up at her. His face showed pain and silvery streaks of wet, but mostly it showed gratefulness for the silence and warm arms around him.

Kind green eyes bored into his stormy grey ones that looked so worn and sad. He opened his mouth a tad and was about to ask her something when she placed a finger to his lips. "Yes you can stay here for tonight." She murmured having already known what he was going to say. "Thank you." was all he managed to choke out. Lily held him close again and stroked his hair. "It's alright Severus. Just sit here with me. I'll make it better." She whispered and the silence of the night seemed to wrap around them again.

Eventually Lily got up and retrieved a few pillows to put behind them so they could look out her window at the Full Moon. The tiny redhead adjusted herself so she was leaning against the pillows with Severus' head on her stomach. They both stared out at the creamy whiteness of the Moon and eventually Lily broke the silence. "What did he hurt this time?" She whispered a little raggedly like she had begun to cry for Severus' misfortune. Severus rolled up the arms of his long sleeve black shirt and showed her the damage.

Not only did Severus have black and blue bruises running up and down his arms, plus a bleeding lip, but there were straight scars on his left arm that ran jaggedly up and down. He heard lily choke and sob "Not again" very quietly. He pulled down his sleeve quickly and wrapped her up in a careful hug. She didn't hug back this time, he knew he'd upset her and he hated that fact. Her watery emeralds looked at the black haired boy with so much sorrow. He braced himself to be scolded to be cuffed over the ear, but no…Lily just stayed silent.

Her eyes were set intensely on the moon. It was round and looming, two people so small with a towering moon above them; it could make anyone feel insignificant. Severus looked at the stars and shed a few more silent tears for his mother who was still at home with "The Beast". He sighed and looked over to Lily who was clad in a soft yellow nightgown and had a small frown creasing her lips. He didn't like being the cause of her frown. He also didn't like not being able to read her expressions.

Severus didn't know if she was upset because he'd gotten hurt by his father or because he'd hurt himself. Deciding to test this he put a hand on her shoulder softy. She didn't shrug it off instead put her own tiny pale one on top of it. Sev smiled a little weakly and squeezed her hand letting her know he was okay in this silent language of theirs. She looked over at him and nodded slightly before gazing at the moon again.

"Why are there stars Severus?" She whispered knowing the logical answer to this question but wanted to hear him say it, or see what he would come up with. Severus blushed bright red when he thought of an answer. "Because your God tried to create something that would be as beautiful as you but couldn't get it right. So he smashed it and all the pieces scattered to be there for your enjoyment."

Lily blushed as red as her hair and looked at him. "Oh." She whispered with a slight giggle to her voice. Severus made her feel like the prettiest sweetest thing on the face of the earth. Severus looked at her. "Was that answer to your satisfaction." He murmured with a certain sweetness seeping into his voice. Her blush deepened and she nodded; "Yes very much thank you." She whispered.

The silence lasted only a bit longer when Severus squeezed her hand again and tried another weak smile. She looked up at him with her own beautiful smile and tried to think of a conversation piece. A question then penetrated her mind, and she was suddenly shocked by how near they were to being first years at Hogwarts. They were really going. Really! Oh this was so terribly exciting and she looked at him and murmured; "Are you ready to go." Severus looked at her quizzically then realized she was talking about Hogwarts.

Severus' smile widened and he replied in a soft voice; "Of course I'm ready to go Lily…anywhere's better than here." She looked at him with a sort of sad love for her best friend deep in her Emerald eyes. He didn't meet her gaze…he never would have known. "My mum says she can take us to Diagon Alley one day this week… you know…once he's calmed down, and she's not hurting anymore." He murmured with a catch in his throat.

Lily nodded, stood up and with his hand still in her grasp helped him up. "That sounds lovely Sev. I'm sure my parents will be awful grateful." She murmured walking over to her door. "One moment, my mum is still up lemme tell her you're staying." She said and was about to head out the door when he rushed over and pulled her back shutting the door quietly. "No! Please no! Don't tell her about him Lily. Please." He whispered frantically.

She looked quizzical and then nodded stepping over to her bed and pulling the covers back again. She then locked her door and walked back over holding out her hand as she sat in bed. "Well come on…I don't bite Sev." She said offering up a sweet sympathetic smile. He smiled back weakly and got in with her. They were both small and the bed was rather big so they each had their own space.

Lily let out a gentle yawn and sev smiled to himself in the dark as he heard her breathing get slower and more rhythmic..He knew the angel was asleep. He sighed and looked at the moon in the window again and somehow he knew it would be okay as long as he had her…only if he had her. He closed his eyes and wished to the moon that they would always be friends and then sighed as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
